I too have been reading both DB and Divorce Remedy. My H has made baby steps but then he goes dark for awhile. We have been separated for 7 months. Sometimes he connects with my kids, age 9 and 11 and sometimes he will go a week or more without much contact. He is definitely in the no responsibility mode. He helps out financially but little else - no offers to do anything around the house or help the kids with school work etc.
I think he may be involved in internet chats and looking for a soulmate online. He found one about a year ago and that is why we separated (his decision). It was a PA too even though she lives in another state and is married with children. I don't know if he is still seeing her or not. But he is traveling to other cities too (not even OW's state in the last few months) and his cell phone bill (which I receive because my phone is on the bill too) indicates he is spending hours at a time on the phone with other women. I have not asked him about any of this.
What confuses me is that when he does come to our house, he is very much like the man I married. He can be so good with the kids and we have an intimate relationship. Lately, I have been questioning in my mind whether I want to continue the intimacy because of the possiblity of him having other sexual partners.
Since the lack of sex was a big problem in our marriage, I have felt and have enjoyed my 180 and am more interested in sex than ever before.
I would love for Michelle to comment about sex with your spouse when you see positive baby steps. We have not had an OR talk so I really don't know where he is when it comes to sexual partners. All I know is that he told me he was doing some dating and that he want us to go out on dates. (Of course, my H has not asked yet)
I feel stuck also. It is so hard to determine if there are really baby steps or is this just the natural course of letting go in a relationship. He has not filed for a divorce yet - we have really only talked about that once. But also, he does not have money to file either. He seems very content to leave things as they are which is he sees us when he wants to. And, we are the loving family when he does connect.
