EM, i'm sorry to hear that, I do hpe the separation will knock some sense into her. Why doens't she know how much it costs to finance everything? seems like she had enough money to go out and stuff, why isnt' she responsible to pay for what's needed? you guys never talked finances and how things are getting paid for?
Please be strong for d5 so she takes your moving out easier, have more time alone w/her so she had quality time with you every week, that's the best you can do for her, there are kids who spend the whole week w/their dad/mom but connect very little w/them, trust me, I see this in my own family.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
My marriage has recovered from two affairs (first the "post-baby" one 11 years ago, and recently the "MLC one").
There were a few short separations over the years (after the first affair and then during the last 3 years of MLC).
And two divorce filings!
My husband first filed for divorce in March 05, but within a month I convinced him that this would be the best year of his married life, that I would work harder on things and he put the divorce on hold. In March 06 he moved out and refiled and this time we truly went into divorce (did six months of it!).
This time I really let go of my marriage and moved forward in my own life. In the long run it was a great experience for me (although very expensive!!!).
Sometimes it does take multiple ups and downs to learn and grow, and realize who you are, what you want and where you want to be.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Quote: That gives me hope and I will go back to DB.
The problem is that too many of us attach DBing to the marriage, which of course it has it's genesis in but after awhile, and in order for it to succeed, it has to be about us. It has to a way to live life, married, single, separated, divorced, etc.
Never stop DBing even if your W never speaks to you again. The fact is that you NEVER KNOW what turns yours sitch will take and when you can demonstrate a strength of character that sees you through the best of times and the worst of time with a sense of self that is unshakable, you will have won no matter what happens to your M.
I am not so niéve as to think we are all here on personal crusades to save ourselves. We are here to save our marriage but in the end, if successful, I THINK it ends up being because we DO learn how to save ourselves if that makes sense.
Keep plugging along. I don't think ANY situation is even cut and dried and yours seems far from that. She is still talking about working on things so...
Give her the space she wants, try to be open about the financial stuff and return to a place where you are most concerned about you, independent of what she may thing.
Hello EM - Sorry I have not posted in a while as I was out of town and did not have access to a computer. I hope your situation and your morale has been improving. Let us know how you are doing. Believe me, you are in our thoughts and prayers.
