In regards to the children I have asked my H to have more regular contact but my H doesn't respond. I have made suggestions but they go unused. He hasn't decided to have me out of his life yet. I have offered to be away from the house when he is to see the children but he never said he wanted that or didn't want it. Most of the communication is through email and he just doesn't respond. The only way I know he has gotten and read the email is that he will mention something about it at a later time. But he doesn't make any decisions about what he wants to do. I have the impression that he is happy that he does not have any responsibility for the kids. When I ask him to watch the kids when I have something to do, he will do it only if he doesn't have something else to do. At present, I have only asked when I have to go to work related activities or school activities.
Do I force this issue? The kids seem better when they have little contact with him. I know it hurts them but they don't dwell on it when they don't see him. I am afraid he and they are in avoidance mode and I am following right along. I hope its detachment but it may not be.
Going dark--I don't contact him at all unless it has something to do with the kids. I have been doing this for several months. Sometimes my H seems to notice but most of the time he seems fine with initiating contact when he wants it.
Trying to be more in contact and affectionate- When my H is at the house, I am lovingly detached. If he makes a move in my direction I will respond otherwise I pretty much leave him alone and go about my tasks at home. I do sit with him to watch TV more often than I did when we were together. We have a very friendly and cordial relationship. Just yesterday, I did email him after we spent an especially close evening together where we were intimate and also talked about the events in NYC. I emailed him a poem written by Eleonore Roosevelt. I expected some type of response and got nothing.
Just before Labor Day, my H suggested that we as a family go somewhere for the weekend. But he didn't make the plans - I tried and got information on the internet. Then my S didn't want to go because he wanted to see his friends. We didn't go. This suggestion came after my H went out of town. I do not know but do think he went to see the OW. The last he told me anything about OW is that she was going to try to make her marriage work but that they would stay in contact because the love was so deep.
At the same time my H suggested the weekend together, he also said he wanted to talk about what was going on between us. That has not occured. I have brought it up once in an email and he said he wanted to talk to me face to face. Well, I've seen him a couple of times since then but no talk. I have not asked anymore. He went out of town again last weekend and I emailed him and requested that he tell me what's going on. He resonded with what do you mean? So I asked him why he was going out of town and what was he wanted to talk to me about. His response was that the two were unrelated and that he was visiting friends. (Must be new friends because I didn't know he had friends where he said he was going.)
I have listed some goals for our relationship after reading the Divorce Remedy. I have seen some baby steps but feel as if that my H is acting as if too. That we will get used to the ways things are and he will have that new life he told me he wanted when he dropped the bomb last Jan. I don't want this to happen. Do I have any control?
