Update on progress since 10/2 post:
Son who lives overseas emailed ex and myself about he and his wife are now getting dovorced and daughter in law would be moving to our town as she has no family. Ex and I met for dinner {OW OOT again} to discuss situation and to agree upon a plan to be able to help her if needed. We also talked about other subjects, and I found out through the conversation that OW did actually go back with him to class reunion-It came out accidentally in conversation. I didn't say anything, but it just about broke my heart., especially when he had told me previously she wasn't going. Since that incident, he came over and fixed something on my car on his way home from work, accompanied by the guy he carpools with, who lives a few doors from him. I also ran in to him at a local store and he flirted with me a bit and actually followed me to the checkout and walked out with me. Things were going well. I didn't realize how much his telling me about OW and reunion upset me, till he called again this week, while OW was OOT agin. It just hit me wrong, and although I was upset, I didn't yell, I just told him I was getting tired of all of this etc, and I wanted a husband who loved me, wanted to be with me, etc, and talking to me only when OW isn't around really hurts me, etc, and he doesn't know how difficult it is to try and remain friends under the circumstances. I wasn't rude, but got my point across. After I hung up, I realized I had fallen into the old trap, and sent him an email apologizing, stating I had had a bad day, and his call came when I was at a low point. He emailed back that it wasn't necessary to apologize but thanked me. The next day, the child support check from him arrived in the mail inside a Halloween card! This is the first card I have received from him in 5 years!!! It had to have been mailed prior to our phone discussion!! I, immediately sent him an email thanking him for the card and stating what a nice surprize it was, and again apologized for my tone the night before. I have not heard from him since and it has been two days.
I think I have caused a set back, but my goal is to let him be the one to make the next contact. That seems to be the only thing to do at this point. One thing I learned is that it is easy to slip into old patterns and you have to be on guard!