I'm not sure exactly where to start. My wife moved out a month ago and she filed for a divorce two days later. I went straight to the Last Resort Technique.
I am trying to be loving and not be overenthusiastic. I am trying to be vague. But I usually tell her after the event was over how much fun my daughter and I were having. I don’t say “I Love You.” I don’t try to hug or kiss her. I try to leave after an event. Sometimes I talk the STBX and daughter into staying a little longer. I don’t talk about the future. Especially since she filed for divorce and we are going through the motions. I don’t talk about our marriage. I kind of slipped once in a while on small topics. I try to have a PMA I have only tried to invite her once or twice to events I know she wants to attend. Also, I am trying not to inquire about her events. I usually say, “Have a good time” I am reconnecting with old friends and getting out of the house.
I am not sure exactly how to proceed on the LRT. Or is this the only technique I should be using? She says she left me because I am controlling. I could never get a clear definition of what is controlling. I have posted several incidents on the board and they do not appear controlling to the DB public. But as someone pointed out their opinion does not matter; it’s the wife’s opinion that matters.
The LRT is difficult because we have a young child. Sometimes, our daughter is at mom's and sometimes at dads. We allow each other a nightly phone call to the parent that does not have her.
Here are some of the events that have happened in the last few weeks. 1) We already had a Halloween costume for our daughter. I asked are we going to trick or treat together this year? She says yes. The STBX asks if she can show up the night before to show me the correct way to put on the costume for our daughter’s school party the next morning. On Halloween night she shows up and we have a great time. She tells me she had a good time.
2) Monsters, Inc. came out this weekend. She called me three times to ask if we all could go. I was unsure on how to proceed because on page 130 it says, "Accept some invitations to spend time together, but not all." So I was a little hesitant in responding with a Yes. She tells me "I would like to go see Monsters with both of you. I am available Sunday after 1pm. Just give me a call when you have a schedule." We did go on Sunday. She showed up a little early and purchased movie tickets for the family. I purchased the food and drinks. After the event we went to dinner. We mention to each other that we had a good time the next day. She tells me I looked handsome on Sunday.
3) Some subjects she appears to be angry or annoyed. For example, I called last night to talk to our daughter. My daughter was a little cranky and my STBX said she would call back in a few minutes. She didn't. I called back 2 hours later and she said, "What do you want?" in a mean tone. I guess my daughter was still cranky.
4) She tells me once in a while she still loves me. She tries to hug me once in a while or touch my hand or shoulder.
How do you do the Last Resort Technique when you have a child that both of you are trying to take care? I am trying to do everything on page 130. It appears if I let her control the shots she and act as if I don’t care then is more responsive to me. When I try to be vague she becomes angry. But on the other hand, she does not want to give me any information about her life and that's o.k. with me.
How do you LRT when you are proceeding through a divorce and you need to communicate about property and other things?
Lastly is the Last Resort Technique the only thing I should be doing now?
[ November 05, 2001: Message edited by: Doodle's Daddy ]
