DB713 - I just wanted to chime in that: it's perfectly okay to compete for a relationship. That's what you are doing, and that's what everyone does, whether they know it or not - we are all competing for what (or who) we want. What matters is, what *works* and what is *ethical*. Ultimately, choices that include both these qualities are best.
Second, I am not married, but in a fairly serious, monogamous (at his request) 1-year relationship. I've read DB, & plan to get 7 steps. I think they're both relevant to a good relationship of any kind. (I also read & apply The Rules book series, the Mars/ Venus series, and Technique of the Love Affair - all of these books seem to apply similar techniques that I find described on this site.)
So here's my question Michele: How can I find a really great SBT therapist in my area (Los Angeles)? I've called all around, web-searched, and am currently seeing a therapist who claims to understand DB & SBT, but her interviewing questions aren't in line with what I've read about (both here, & in articles by the folks at the Brief Family Therapy center in Milwaukee.
Otherwise, I'd be glad to read 7S & post here while continuing the search for a good SB therapist here in town.
My relationship isn't terrible, but I'd like us both to meet each others' needs more fully & both *feel* that those needs are met too (& maybe make it permanent!)
We are both from divorced homes - but I recently emailed info about SBT to my boyfriend's almost-divorced 40-something cousins (who I'm good friends with, and luckily, live sort of near Milwaukee!) So, there my be some optimistic dialog about SBT bouncing around in this extended family soon!
Thanks tons Michele, for getting the optimistic message out there & look forward to reading more here!
