A brief update on my situation. Our therapist seems now to be more focused on solutions and issues...a good thing I think. In our last therapy session, W said that, while she knew before we were married that I wasn't "an intensely emotional, passionately romantic" man (while I am not a cold fish, and I have my passionate and romantic moments, I would never describe myself as a passionate romantic), and in fact it was my emotional stability and practical nature that attracted her to me, she says that she now (13 years later) realizes that she really wants and needs an emotionally intense passionately romantic marriage. And while she agrees I could be more passionate and more romantic, it just won't be enough (she seems to think she is judge and jury when it comes to me, and I guess from her perspective she is). In the session, I asked her for some examples of how her life would be different, what different things she would be doing that would give her the "feelings" she feels are missing. She responded with more vague terms like, she would feel comfortable and would have more enjoyment and more fun and there would be more passion. When I asked her for more specific examples of what she would be doing that was different than what she and we can do now, she got mad. The counseler said that my questions were valid, as we are trying to get to the bottom of W's strong assertion that we are not compatible, and we need to see clearly if there is common ground or not. The counseler gave W a homework assignment to provide specific examples of what she would be doing and how her life would be different if she had the emotionally intense and passionately romantic relationship she says she now wants and needs. This really made W annoyed.
My question is as follows: to the extent that the counseler now seems to be pushing W to be specific as to her issues, and no longer seems satisfied with W's vague statements and circular logic ("I can't be intimate and emotionally close to you because I'm not in love with you, and I don't feel romantic love for you because I don't feel emotionally close or intimate with you"), will this have the same affect of pushing W away, as it would if I were pushing her to be more concrete in her descriptions of her feelings, or questioning the basis of these feelings.
Is the counselers new approach a good thing or a bad thing?..it feels right to me, but I'm afraid that it will have an adverse impact on my WAW.
