ditto what Amy said, you are now in charge of your life again!
...but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
piecing after separation
Quote: What miracle would have to take place for you to stay married?
I don't think any miracle would bring it back. A black eye is all it took to get me over him. I wouldn't want to live in fear of it happening again. I don't think I could face him everyday. I know I'll never view him the same. If he goes to the doctor and gets his head straight, if he goes through anger management classes or whatever, I would consider, CONSIDER trying again. But . . . . .
I'm proud of you. You aren't falling for his tricks.
He isn't going to get medical and he doesn't think he's crazy. Just like he isn't going to do anything that he's promised, sworn, or threatened in the last year.
He will do everything he can to wear you down, Emily. I AM proud of you, and I think you are stronger now and have had your eyes opened. But he's better at this than you are. It's all in the abusive manipulator's bag of tricks.
The only advice I have for you is to absolutely stop taking his calls. You shouldn't be talking to him because it undermines the battery case against him. IF you truly have hope somewhere that he will "wake up," he has to lose everything first. And go to jail. Which is where he belongs, right this minute.
He's cycling and if you let him back in, you'll wind up with worse than a black eye. And you will have shot yourself in the foot because of all these phone calls.
Stop taking them. Get a lawyer. File for divorce. Abusive relationships cannot be DBed.
Quote: And if you don't mind me saying, I think you're off to damn fine start!
Thank you.
Well they told me I couldn't get the PFA because it's only one incident. It's out of my hands (pressing charges) anyway, they will be filed. It has nothing to do with credibility. He hit me, and needs punished for that. They told me I would have to have contact with him because of the kids, and custody and whatnot.
I am trying to do what is best for everyone. Do I believe he deserves to see his children? NO . . . but I know it will happen. Do I ever want him back? NO . . and I'll do whatever it takes, to remember this black eye, and the fear that came with it.
I simply do not want to push this total unstable man anymore over the edge than he already is. He's got another women pregnant, and I would feel awful if me filing for the divorce pushed him far enough over the edge to hurt her and her baby.
I truly want him to be happy, I really do. I hold nothing against him, I simply want him out of my life.
I am moving forward and stepping out on my own. I'm going out on a kind of double date/blind date. It's not really a date at all, just another friend (who's having marriage problems) getting together with some guys from work and she wanted me come along. We are going bowling. Should be a good time, anything that helps me realize that I am still beautiful and worthwhile is welcomed. This is exactly what I needed. On November 9th . . I turn 22 . . . and that will be 1 year since Kevin said he wanted a divorce. On that day I will ask my family for help paying for the divorce . . . but I will give Kevin a little time to go to the doctors. If he does not by 2007 . . . I am filing regaurdless because that shows me he doesn't want help and is only stalling. I just want to prevent a bad situation from becoming a lot worse.
I know what you mean about wanting to feel beautiful, etc..just be careful. Vanity is the devil's playground at times. You are beautiful and you are worthwhile. You're starting to know it, too. And when you know it beyond the shadow of a doubt, you can have your pick from the trail of men that will be drawn to you.
That's up the road, though.
You're vulnerable right now and unfortunately there are a lot of men that prey on vulnerable women.
These are just friends of Kristy (the friend who marriage is also down the toilet!) . . . it's not really dates . . . it's just fun.
It's just what the doctor ordered. It's just hanging out with people who will appreciate me for who and how I am. I don't want a relationship right now, I just want all those nasty things my H said about me to get covered with all the good I know is inside. Being around people who think I'm fun, makes me want to be that way more! It's good to be with friends. Even going to the ER the other night, was a BLAST. The ER should never be fun, but . . . it just was.
I just feel like a huge burden has been lifted, and I am looking at things in a whole new light. I am so thankful for everything that has happened.
I understand a lot more now, and I feel that I am ready to face well anything.
I keep Kevin in my prayers.
Emily and I carved pumpkins tonight, it was too much fun! It's just so nice . . . . I can't explain why. I'm making new memories, and moving forward!
Thank you for the kind words, thank you for always being my guiding light, and giving me the boundaries that so many others lack! I couldn't do this without the help of all of you here. I'll check in tomorrow and let you know how the day went! Have a great one guys!
Quote: If he goes to the doctor and gets his head straight, if he goes through anger management classes or whatever, I would consider, CONSIDER trying again.
That's the answer I was looking for.
Present him with this. Straight up. No uncertain terms.
DBing won't work until these issues are addressed.
Hold your ground.
Does he drink? If so, have him check out AA.
He can change, but he has to WANT to, and you can't enable him in ANY way.
David
The fires of true love can never be quenched, because the source of its flame is God Himself! - Shulamith
I'm sorry but I cannot tell him that he has a chance. He doesn't. I don't care what he does, he will never really change, not to me. I will NOT live in total fear of my H. It is time to divorce. Besides if I told him that he had a chance he wouldn't get the help he so badly needs, he would continue to do nothing because he would have no fear of losing anything. He needs to lose everything and build back up from the bottom.
I will not enable him anymore.
Yesterday was sooooo much fun bowling. It was just like all the old times, just a riot. I enjoy going out with friends and laughing (mostly at myself) . . . .
