I think the Q&A is a great idea! I'm one that needs specific examples in order to get something out of a high level statement, so I'm very interested in what goes on in this board.
Like another, my H has accused me of being cold and hard and having an edge that is not soft and nurturing to him. The problem is, I have been told that I am one of the nicest, caring people around by many others. I have total strangers spilling their guts to me after just a few days of knowing me. I do not know how to be any softer.
Currently, I am doing a LRT. H has stated that he is definitely NOT interested in me, our relationship, or saving anything remotely connected to our marriage. He does, however, want us to be best friends. I am to tell him all of my comings and goings, allow him over in my home whenever and for all holidays, give him free access to our S at any time. He, on the other hand, will talk about his work only, not invite me to any events that he has planned, and basically contribute to "friendship" in only a superficial way. This is how he is with all his friends (of which there are two).
I do not know how to reconcile my LRT of going dark and being unavailable with his need to have me around as a type of social crutch.
I'm open to any ideas. I have been supportive and loving and friendly for the last 2 years. During that time, he moved us to a different state for his work, moved out, had an A, and I don't know what else. His rejecting me has been on all levels: I'm unattractive, I'm not for him, I'm hard, I use an annoying voice when telling stories, I just don't measure up.
We are miles from where we started. He actually talks to me now, where in the past he wouldn't give me the time of day. But in exchange, my own self-esteem has dropped so low that I am on the verge of dispair.
How do I save myself AND be soft and comforting without being an emotional doormat?
