I'm feeling stuck, and so is W (her word). W has expressed some very reluctant interest in moving ahead, but is still seems totally under influence of PA and divorced friends who what her "to be happy". Her exact expression (it's been repeated a few times) is that she "holds very little hope" for us working out our marriage, but that's up a tiny notch from "there's no hope".
I feel stuck between LRT and the space just beyond where you begin encouraging more interaction. The dim dusk of LRT has not really worked, but some subtle pursuit seems to. She seems to respond my frustration at her not letting me know what she's thinking, like when she said she'd hired a lawyer and to expect a letter from him directing me to do the same. My exasperation at this nudged us into OR talks that have made slight progress. It seems the past lack of OR talks has been interpreted by her as ceasation of any progress, and proof that things wouldn't/couldn't work. LRT says no "dating", but informal "dating" gets us talking (not OR), and being together and close. Arnold has been encouraging that with me. Another example, she moved out of our bed, before which time it was getting to the point that she would really slink away to her side with no contact at all. Now, sometimes I go crawl into her bed just for closeness from time to time, and she reaches out and we hold hands, or drape arms over each other. I don't stay all night, I don't pressure. I'm trying to interpret whether this is "good" physical affection, or if it's "bad" pity. If I appear pitiful, that can't be good, if she feels guilty it's not either. How do you read these things?
Secondly, she's expressed interest in "working some of the exercises" in the book. I think she might just be humoring me, pending filing and starting her "end game". I need to know how to present concepts to her without necessarily giving her the book. Sections like "the beginner's mind" and "Know what you want" I want to present to her, and I want her to understand "cheeseless tunnels" and "taking stock". Other areas I'd like her to see are MidLife crisis and Infidelity, but we are still a long way from those. I need some advice about how to encourage her to set some measurable goals. Last night I asked her "what she wanted", and she said "to be divorced". I said that's not a goal, that I needed to hear something more. She said "to change partners". I suppose that's a goal, but kind of undefinable and unmeasurable. I need to know how to coach her into simple, measurable, attainable goals. Help?
Sorry for the lenght, and it this is vague. I'm re-reading again, and will have more specific things soon.
