DB, My heart goes out to you and no, you are not being selfish at all. All of us are worried and concerned. You have family in the military. You have reason to be scared and desire comfort especially from the father of your children. It makes perfect sense to me that you reached out in that way. It's so sad that your ex didn't see your contacting him as an opportunity to share your pain. But I do think that sgctxok is right about her take on things. He's trained to be stoic.
I'm glad to hear that you have others to help you through this challenging times. Allow them to comfort you as much as possible. I also agree with your plan to back off for the time being. Take one step at a time.
And one more thing, although this is the place for me to respond, input from others who are reading or who have read The Divorce Remedy is always completely welcomed. Okay? Michele
