I feel exactly like you do!!! If they really loved us or wanted us why would they divorce us?? If they can D us then they really don't won't us right?? It's been 6 months and we're about to go to mediation and he has not changed his mind in the least bit. I am starting to slowly detach. Almost like I don't know who I'm going to court for. I haven't seen him since July...so it's going to be weird. He has turned into a completely different person...and would I want him back after what he's put me through?? Would you take yours back after all this has happened?? But I feel the exact same way as you...why are we holding on to this hope? We need to move on...what other choice do we have?? If they wanted us back they would be calling and saying so right??
yeah...I agree, they always say "If you love someone, set them free - if they come back, then they really love you... if not, maybe they never did." Or at least they stopped.
Sometimes, I feel that this is what our paths are...to move on. I read somewhere that people come into our lives for reasons, seasons and the long haul. The reason is to know them; the season is only for a while; and the long haul is forever.
Would I take my XH back? That is a very good question... I don't know...would he have changed? would he grow with me? could we forget the past? The past is gone now - Would I be able to go forward with him or would we stagnate and die? People do change, but I quoted a song clip from a group called Big Head Todd and the Monsters:
...our love was once a flame, now I'm just a forgotten name... and I love her yet, she has done me wrong, can I bring her back, she has long gone... and I'll always be her broken-hearted saviour...
I wrote part of this to FarAway...but I think he took it wrong. Of course, I change she into he so it fits my sitch.
It seems we are chasing something here, what it is, does anyone know? The DB book was excellent, but we are past that now...the D came and went...it's time SpikeCharlie... we need to move on or we will constantly be chasing a dream of no return. Life is too precious to waste on anyone that does not see our best interests. Why wait...in hopes that one day XH will realize his mistake? Where does that leave us? Closed off from the rest of the world that keeps on moving.
In my heart...I know that there was a reason for this D. I can't say I know why, but, I do know that I forgive my XH for all the pain and grief that we caused each other; myself included; but - the page has been turned and unless we continue on, we will never know what life has planned for us. It is out of our hands.
I will always, always, love my XH; but he decided to move on and hopefully, every once in a while H will think of me. The good times, the laughing, the fun - time will tell...
But for own sanity, I cannot continue this facade of waiting and hoping H will turn around and come back...
It sounds horrible, but, probably the next time I see XH will be at his funeral...or mine...that will be the last time...and then I'll stop loving him...
But...God has other plans for me now...so whatever he has up His sleeve, I'll be ready and able to proceed.
It is OVER...we are D. XH moved on...and so shall I... it is time...I have to believe this...I'm not anry, sad, bitter, or disgusted...I am at peace right now, everything is calm and God has the wheel...
Hopefully, this will help you...even just a little. Let me know how you are doing...I do care...hopefully I can assure you that we and everyone else here - we will be okay...it will get better...just let it go...don't be afraid...we are all here to support each other. Say your goodbye to XH and let it go...I'm here all the time... let me know what I can do to get you here, where I am...
Love will never die...sometimes it gets packed away, but never forgotten... ...if anything...we learned that life is too, too, precious to let it stagnate...let us go forward...we need to
You made sense, but if the X's moved on and in my case with OW, shouldn't we write it off? I am not saying turn our backs, but someone in another forum said that the door will be left open, but I'm no longer going to stand there waiting for my X to knock. That sounds like pretty good sense.
Thanks for letting me know that my XH knows who the gift was from. I needed a man's feedback. He kept it so I guess I won't see it in my mailbox.
I say, yeah, write off the M that you once had. Anything that seemed long-term and loving and respected is gone...out the window now.
Quote: I am not saying turn our backs, but someone in another forum said that the door will be left open, but I'm no longer going to stand there waiting for my X to knock.
I agree with you and you are right...you should NOT be standing there waiting for him to knock. That is what GAL is all about. You are now doing your thing and the thought pondering about XH is not there. But, at the same time, if you haven't met someone at the the time X decides to come back to give it another shot and you are still attracted and possibly still in love with him, then your door is still open. Make sense? The whole idea of "hanging on" for X to come back I think is getting misinterpreted in the way it is being put in some peoples posts.
No problem on the guy feedback...any other Q's just ask. Been there done that for over 16 yrs!
You are so right.......my life has turned for the better, that's why I feel that I can give perspectives to others here...it feels good to let my own pain subside and help someone in a state I was in a couple of months ago...
