Let's just say, you want out. Particularly, you want out of a controlling, manipulative R. Is that true? From all I have read, you really need some distance - and some time to work on yourself - as a person and a mother - FIRST - then as a partner and a wife.
What if you gave yourself 20 minutes to sit and think about all of your actions that cause a "reaction" from your H. Start with what happened this AM. What caused him to react? Sincere or not - men seek some form of validation - I'm suspecting that it is what he was looking for. Have you considered that if you just hugged him and you were fully aware that it was manipulation, then isn't it YOU that are the manipulator?
I did this with my WAW. I KNEW she was just keeping me at enough distance (delaying the D, etc.) because she 1) saw changes in me that she liked, but wasn't sure if they would last and 2) had a sinking feeling the OM would not work out. You know what, both were true - she told me this herself. And since I knew full well what was going on - I began to feel less manipulated because it allowed me to start calling the shots.
Look, I don't suspect you like his outbursts so what if this AM, you had let him hug you? And then just A/V'd his comments. THEN, continue on with your life - detaching - getting your life in order, preparing to move, divorce, etc.
GAL'g is as much about getting your house in order as it is getting out with friend or whatever. I used to GAL at a Starbucks in Nashua - just laying out my plan. I know you are in the woods, but there must be a coffee shop (Dunkies?) nearby. Just get out of the house and write your plan.
And write about how you are going to change your interactions - 180's so that his pissy attitude doesn't come into play.
I'll tell you, as much as it sucked, for me embracing the fact I was getting divorced - and figuring out ways that WAS and I could "interact" without tension was EXTREMELY fulfilling for me. Furthermore, it built a foundation for how we interact today. Light years beyond the 14 years together before the bomb.
Let me finish with a loving 2x4 - please stop insinuating that you have little worth - get a good counselor if you don't have one already. YOU, only YOU have to power to make your life what you want it to be and you can do it. Real growth (personally and spiritually) does NOT come without cost and effort but it comes with the biggest rewards. Stop trying to guess if he is manipulating you - assume that he is. Start focusing on 180's that would take the hot air out of his balloon and keep walking your path.
You can do this.
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
