Starting from scratch...

[StrongEnough]

Journaling:

Today I start trying to detach. It is going to be very difficult since we are living in the same house. I work and come home with the kids. No opportunity to GAL. I don't know anyone here and there literally is nothing to do. Anything is atleast 1+ hours away.

This morning H comes up to me, hugs me, tells me he still loves me but will respect my wishes. I backed away from the hug. He asked why I didn't want to hug him and I told him that just yesterday he was calling me at work yelling, screaming and swearing at me. He says it's because he's p*ssed. The anger came right back. He said "Forget it...I tried".

Now, I am sitting here wondering what to make of it. A big part of me thinks it's more of his manipulation. The "I'm sorry sweetheart....I promise to change even though there is nothing wrong with me". His anger came back too quickly to have been sincere.

Not in a very good mood today. Feeling sad. Feeling sad for my kids.

I don't really know that I belong in piecing anymore. I don't know where I belong. I just feel like I really don't fit in anywhere. Not in this state, not at my job, not in my marriage or family and not on this board.

Well, if you actually read through my crap this far.....thanks. I have to get heading out for work soon. Tomorrow is my day off and it is also my H's day off. This is going to be interesting to say the least.

~SE