Hummmm.... after six months of divorce and a situation similar to what you are describing (a husband hiding his cell phone, using lots of minutes, and erasing stuff on it... etc...).
If I were in your sitch I'd probably start looking at myself more closely. What do I need to do for me to make me happy, and what do I need to do professionally (school, classes, maybe even career change) to be more prepared to take care of my kids if something happens with my marriage.
It sounds like you're looking at choices and considering things.
I know the kid part is hard. That tore me up most during my divorce. There was this part of me that wanted to chuck the whole sitch, leave the kids with their father, and move out to Florida where my dad lives. I'd dream about getting some hoaky job while hanging out at the beach, making friends and then writing a novel in my spare time (that's my MLC dream!).
Besides trying to take one day at a time do try and work on some 180s and GAL. Do some things for yourself. Maybe you can arrange for H to watch the kids so you can go out with some girlfriend's to dinner. Begin gettting your support group together. Start having more fun so you feel good about yourself.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
