Hey SE,
I changed the link under my signature so you can find me...just moved over to MLC after a year in Newcomers . I'm doing well and feeling pretty happy. I am more independent every day. I have moments of saddness, but they are fleeting. I look upon H now as a distant relative. SOmeone I care for, that I had a great history with, but who I am not connected to on a deep level anymore. I b!tch about him every now and then here or to a friend or two, but he is who he is--not a bad guy, not a good guy, just a guy who mistakenly thought the means justified the ends.

I admire all the people here who are fighting for their marriages. Sometimes they are saved, and other times, they are not, but one thing we can all hope to achieve by coming here is that we grow stronger and more independent and eventually escape the despair of it all.

Have you checked out the new forum "I'm thinking about leaving?" Those in your situation suffer a lot too and they may have helpful advise for you over there. Also, maybe MLC can offer a comforting ear.

I think you just have to take from the board what is useful for you and leave what isn't.

When I was trying to get pregnant for 5 years, I remember how I felt when women who were pregnant would complain about morning sickness or stretch marks and I would feel indignant--like I would give my pinky finger to have the priveledge of morning sickness and a bloated belly. Maybe that is what you are sensitive about--that you don't want to appear to be taking for granted what so many of the people wish they had--their marriage back. But SE, everyone wants a better marriage than before right? They don't want to go back to something worse.

Nobody wants to live in a loveless marriage. Bitterness and resenmtment build up in those situations and are bad medicine for the children--trust me on that, I know from my own parents. Of course the children come first, but what is trully best for them? Why do you say you would you lose everything? Wouldn't everything be split down the middle? Why would you have to move out, not him? There are always creative solutions. It's hard to know what your H is thinking right now, but his behavior is suspicious. HAve you talked about a trial separation?

Anyway, nothing is black and white--there are many shades of grey when it comes to going on from here. I believe in honesty and transparency. Even if you don't feel it right now, there was a time when you loved and respected your H. If you come from a place of love in your heart and talk to him in earnest about what you want, then the stagnation stops. It may be difficult and painful, but what worth doing isn't?

Hugs,
Althea