I'll be honest with you. Your husband sounds somewhat like my father (and my parents are divorced! Although my father has more issues... I won't even go into that story!!!).

If I were in your shoes I'd try to look rationally at the situation particularly with respect to my kids. Without you being with him, what would happen with the kids? How much custody would he be willing to give up and would he turn this anger and control on them? I know people say you shouldn't stay just for the kids, but to me kids weigh very heavily in these kinds of decisions. Of course, you have to look at all angles of that.

BTW, have either of you tried medication? Any chance he might be willing to give antidepressants a try? He might need extra serotonin.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.