Starting from scratch...

[StrongEnough]

Hi Sven....a pleasure to have you drop by on my pity party!

I am(was?) one of the Great North East buddies. I needed a break from the boards.

So, to answer some of your question:
Have I changed for the better or am I anchored?

I have changed for the better, on some things. When I was DB'ing for me alone and my sanity...I came to like and respect the person I had become. I have since lost most of that person. For some unknown reason, I seem to lose my sense of self when I am with H.

What is my goal?

Right now, I can honestly say my goals a microscopic to the point that they are just getting through the day and making it to bed as early as I possibly can. Pathetic, but right here right now, this is my life.

I don't think I am trying to *change* my H. As far as comparing him to the way he was..well...there really is no comparison.....he is who he used to be. He is distant, cold and moody.

I have indeed lost my way, my sense of self and happiness. The way things have all gone down in the R and his overbearing, controlling nature.....not too hard to do.

All I know at this point is that he was a totally different H when we got back together. It's the main reason I decided to try again. The problem is his changes were not permanent. He couldn't sustain them for long. It was too much work. Since that first month of "life is good" ended...it has been a slow, steady decline. We are both at that point in our M where there is so much anger and resentment that we can't seem to give into each other. I am just as guilty. I admit I am bitter about the false advertising and what is has once again done to me. (Even though I realize I have done it to myself)

I think nothing short of miracle could make the sassy and beautiful person shine again.

I envy you for your awesome PMA. I am glad to read that things are going well for you. It sounds like you are totally in touch with yourself, your emotions, your goals and your purpose. That is no small feat.

Sorry, I am a real downer today. Just the kind of mood I am in I guess. I have been like this for a while now and I can't seem to shake it.

Thanks again for dropping by and offering your advice. It is GREAT advice and really tough questions. I just wish I in a place to be able to answer them. Kind of hard when you feel empty and blank.

<sigh> Guess I should go get things ready for work tomorrow. 2 hour drive one way. Gotta love the woods!!