Hey SE, Your H sounds like a toughy--determined not to be blamed for what goes wrong. I know how frustrating it can be to live with an ill tempered and sometimes violent control freak (my father). After YEARS of trying to help him see how his behavior did the opposite of what he wanted, I gave up trying and told him I wouldn't see him again until he got help. For a long time he refused to be blamed--he was the victim and he wasn't about to relinquish that role. He was being treated unfairly and if only the rest of us would do what he said (IOW "obey")everything would get better. He refused to get introspective. This gained him no friends and lost him all that he cared about. After a few years of estrangement from the family he finally went to therapy and is a little better--at least I can be in the same room with him now without needed to self medicate.
People like this are very hard to deal with rationally. I can certainly understand your withdrawal from that and I can empathize. It's a protective mechanism. There's only so long you can fight it before you have to activate your protective shields--the containment bubble.
Sheesh, almost 4 years of this-oh SE, that is a long time indeed. YOu have given it the good fight and I know you will find the right answers for yourself however you chose to deal with it. Verbal abuse and the breaking of things is abuse and you absolutely should not have to put up with it. No one should.
BTW I read BI's response as crankiness toward your husband, not you. I think BI's response reflected the frustration many of us feel when we do what feels like ALL the heavy lifting while the person we love sits back with a pina colada and tells us to lift with our legs. Yeah, thanks for the input--could ya maybe get over here and carry a little of the load?
I could be wrong, but that was my take. Glad to see you're still your sassy, beautiful self! Althea
