Hi all, Here are some more reactions and responses from me. They are not necessarily in order of your posts. Reachingout,
Your post is a great illustration of what I write about- that relationships are like see saws, the more one person does of something, the less the other one does. When you become optimistic- "Let's wait, it's too early to judge our relationship,"- she becomes pessimistic. When you switch gears, she becomes more optimistic. There's no mystery here at all and you, my friend, handled things with DB grace. Good for you.
Now, the trick is for you to remain interested, be the person she wants you to be, but when you discuss things, you should seem reticent to acknowledge improvements. In regards to the deadline, you can tell her you're not sure what you both should do. You need some time to think about it. Then, continue to spend time together when you can and avoid OR talks, be upbeat, the usual. If she comments about something positive, compliments you, you can tell her that it's nice that she recognizes the positive things, but you aren't convinced that she's going to continue to wear the more positive lenses. So thank her, but add on something about your wondering if the "new her" is going to last. Do you see what I mean here.
Don't get hung up in the specifics, just get the main idea. You have to be there DBing in your behavior, but give her reason to wonder if you're thinking about backing off. It seems to make her really nervous if she thinks about losing you. So you have to walk the fine line between being emotionally available but not allowing her to take you for granted. That's the way to proceed.
Go slowly. You definitely took a step forward, not backward. She needs to worry about losing you. Michele
