Michele, I also wanted to thank you for your time and effort responding to all of us.

I'm still on step 5. I'm unclear as how to interpret last night. After a good dinner W initiated OR talk. I couldn't back away, she asked to sell the house. Said she wants an apartment and to experience single life. Says again that she sees all of my positive changes and they're great but feels guilty because she's not being a good wife. I told her it was too soon (15 days) to judge our current situation (separated, friends, under the same roof). I asked her to wait, we compromised on waiting until Oct. 15 before re-evaluating, but she seemed insincere.

I decided later I would give her the separation NOW because she seems to believe it has to happen. I told her I would leave this weekend and I have to move-on as if it's over. I can't do this again in a year if she doesn't come back. Now she says we should stick to our plan (10/15) and we're not to "that point" yet (separating and selling the house). I said if she doesn't believe her feelings can change then we ARE there. She insisted we aren't and said she believes that her feelings can change. She also talked about her fears "if we stayed together" (as if it's now an option). I told her evaluating her feelings daily will only remind her that she doesn't love me right now and frustrate her more. I asked her to focus on herself and being happy (she's having an identity crisis).

Every time I try and pull away and give her what she's asking she pulls me back. I think one goal is slowly being attained. It seems she's starting to think our marriage is salvageable, but seems frustrated that while other changes in OR have occurred her feelings have not.

What does this sound like to you? It feels like a backslide, but also sounds like a step forward. How should I approach this if she's impatient and actively waiting for a change to happen? Is the 10/15 deadline a bad idea? It seemed like the only way to passify her impatience. Thanks.

[This message has been edited by reachingout (edited 09-08-2001).]