Thanks for your prompt reply. You asked a couple of questions that I can answer.
1. New therapist. She is open to this. In fact, as I was getting some new therapist recommendations from a counseler that works at my company's EAP program, he recommended that I read your book, and he gave me some helpful tips on working with my wife at this stage (Dont push things too fast, dont say I love you, dont do too much talk about the relationsip, don't excessively focus on what happened and how we hurt each other, but on what does work, etc.) I've phone interviewed a few therapists that he suggested but no one has appealed to me so far. Some suggested that until my W is ready to work on the marriage, marital counseling wasn't really going to be very effective. Some suggested that at this stage it might be best not to change and have to go through all the preliminary explanations again, rehashing all the bad stuff. I plan on focusing on our current therapists approach the next couple of sessions, now that I know what to look for, and go from there.
2. As far as books, I agree that giving my W "The Divorce Remedy" would not work right now..its premise is just too opposite her current point of view. However, what do you think about me giving her a copy of pp 49-65 of Chapter Two of "The Marriage Remedy"? This includes the Relationship Quiz and the Marriage Map. I would plan on purging the copy of the book and chapter title etc, so that she doesn't immediately reject it based on that, and present it to her as an interesting alternative perspective on our situation, for her to consider if she so chooses. No pressure, just present it as something I found mildly interesting. If it triggers anything positive, great, and if not then I wouldn't think any harm would be done. But, before I do this, I would want your perspective. I found that chapter to very enlightening to me, and it helped to know that it is very possible (not a certainty but a definite possibility)that most of what has happened has been a very predictable outcome of a marriage that was not made a high priority and nurtured, rather than an inevitible outcome of two people with differences, who became more different. Of course, it agreed with my particular bias, so no telling how it will affect my W, given her current bias.
Also, I have a telephone consultation with Arnold in a week, so I really look forward to some more detailed advice.
