JJ, Your post contains within it several positive solutions. You've been doing a great job at figuring this stuff out, haven't you. Here's what you're telling me: ravishing her works taking a strong stand and setting boundaries works offering her an opportunity to help you about non-R issues works distancing works sometimes
I think you know what you're doing. If you're ever unsure, try something and carefully watch the results, just like I describe in the 5th step- esperiment and monitor. You've got it, keep doing it. Michele
