Kcee, I really feel for you. It doesn't help for you to blame yourself for the past. Focus on the present and future. Your description of the breakdown in your marriage is so common.
First of all, would your wife consider trying a new therapist with you for a while? My hope would be that you both would go to a DB therapist. My guess is that she's happy with her therapist. That's unfortunate because it's possible that the therapist is part of the problem here. Dont', however, push her on this issue. It will backfire. How about attending a marriage class together? Would she consider that?
I agree with you about the importance of being action-oriented in your requests. It's hard to try to please someone unless you know what they need. No one can read minds.
However, she did tell you that it's important to her for you to talk to her and share your feelings. I know that this isn't your favorite thing to do and it probably doesn't come naturally, but I also know that as I describe on page 53, you have to do real giving. Re-read that section. Stretch yourself. Sit down with her, if she's willing, and talk about you. Don't pressure her about your relationship but give her some insight about what makes you tick. Surprise her with your openness, even if you don't feel like it. I don't know her, obviously, so I can't tell whether she would be open to this kind of conversation or if she would feel pressured. You be the judge. But be nice to her and see what happens.
One more thought, would she read a book? If so, ask her to read "Getting Through to the Man you Love." It would be better for her right now that Divorce Remedy. That might be too threatening. Michele
