Michele, I am so excited to have your new book. I actually skipped straight to the chapters on Infidelity and Mid Life crises first and read backwards. Like so many others here, I am living that tough choice to stay committed through these hard times while my H figures himself out. We have been separated a year this month. I found Dbing 5 months ago and it has changed my life and brought OR back from a bad place- there is more understanding, love and friendship though we are still separated!
I really like what you said in the book about trying to find out what “hold” the OP has on the WAS - but how do you do that without asking questions? My H had broken up with long distance OW 3 months ago to recommit to our marriage but then he got cold feet as the withdrawal hit. I stopped OR talks and pursuing a month ago and that is working well, he has started to open up to me lately – told me that they are not together, but still communicating and “close”. He says they have started putting up walls and closing subjects. She is embarrassed about their R- about having been with a married man. Yet she still is open to the fact that this could go either way. They were “together” (physically) again a couple of weeks ago but I don’t think it is really sex that is the threat - he and I have a really strong sexual relationship right now, which pleasantly surprises us both. And he insists that I know him better than anyone still- So how do I figure this out? Or am I trying to control it too much? I feel the balance could swing wither way any given day. I don’t ask H questions about their status or R very often, and am always respectful (which is tough) – I have respected that he needs the freedom to deal with it alone. I’m nervous about changing much right now, because I have been consistent and giving him space which is really working (I think).
Thanks for being out there to show us the way, Michele. You’ve made a big difference in my life!
