quote:Originally posted by Michele: Reachingout, Don't move out. Stay friendly but withdrawn. You say she's noticed your 180's. How so? What's been different? Don't pressure her about her PA. Read the chapter on infidelity if you haven't already, especially the last section.
Thanks Michele. I've re-read the infidelity section but I find it hard to completely relate because it was an EA. She told me about before it turned into PA (3 days after mutual admiration/feelings talk with OM). I don't believe it reached PA before she asked him to back off (less than 2 weeks after admission of feelings). We talked alot the first week after everything was in the open. She told our therapist she noticed I'm really listening now and she's enjoyed our talks. She's open to hanging out with me as friends and I can tell she still feels comfort in our hugs. She would have "loved to go" to the ballgame today, but she didn't know it was a day game and she had to work.
I've got my goals set. One of them is to not backslide. It should be easy to tell if she get's more distant. Another is to get her to stop feeling like she needs to warn friends that "Me and R might not be me and R anymore."
This morning there was a death in the family. I want to console her and have been, but I also dont want to try too hard. Even in times like this should I just let her come to me? I don't want to give her reason to seek emotional comfort with OM. It's a little hard to be withdrawn in this situation. Any suggestions?
-r
[This message has been edited by reachingout (edited 09-05-2001).]
