Re Chrom "if she suddenly were to become really HD about 5-10 years from now, I would be able to get her back!" Yes, I see some of that. What I also see and BB tells me, once a problem is a sore point for so long, then if the OP switches roles, we don't trust them to stay in the HD role so don't want to get out hopes up and become dependent on the spouse.
It's something like my back problems. Off work in 1981 and again in 1987/8. I don't buy anything on credit. I don't trust my income to be at it's peak for payment making. If I want something, I save. Not quite the same as LD/HD role reversals.
Schnarch said once a person is in a LD role long enough, the HD person has found other things to validate his/her self-esteem and what they value in the M. There is a shift in what people trust will or won't be there.
I am not saying revenge doesn't occur. I know it does. What I am thinking is people who are not out to get even, are generally fair minded, see things from their and the OP side, I think some of those people just lose trust the change from LD to HL isn't real so why depend on the changes. The changes can disappear anytime.
Do I sound like I don't count on people? Maybe I don't. I know life is not fair, things happen for good or bad that can't always be explained or are logical.
Maybe what you call revenge is something like I call selfish or defensiveness or not wanting to be exposed to dissapointment and the related feelings. Hay I don't like to be turned down. It happens too often.
