Hi ilmw (I love my wife?)

I know how you feel (well we all do here!). And I also know what you mean by being higher drive but would be quite happy with once every week or two, it's not like you are some kind of sex maniac - right?

It is so rarely realised by LD spouse what they are doing to the HD spouse, they just really don't get it. I posted recently on this board about a weekend sailing trip where I felt so lonely I would have welcomed the chance to sleep with a good friend of mine - in reality I love my H and I don't want an affair with another man, but the constant rejection does wear you down.

My suggestion is scheduled sex, it has worked for a few people on this board and it could work for you. If you both agreed to one night a week (obviously with one week off a month) when you would be prepared (lubricant handy ), kids already tucked up in bed. Other issues put away and dealt with that you tend the marriage garden and ML. Can you negotiate this with her? Can you negotiate it in return for something she would like you to do.

She will most likely deflect with protests about not being in the mood or it not being spontaneous enough etc, Agree with her that it may feel like that but hold to the line that this is NECESSARY for the relationship to survive and thrive, and that you are just as willing to go outside your comfort zone on an equal basis and do something for her that would make her feel cherished.

The benefit of this system for those here who have tried it is that both partners relax about not doing it the rest of the time. The LD spouse feels safe from pressure and the HD spouse feels comfortable knowing when they will be getting some.

I grant you it does feel a little weird, it is not something I have yet suggested to my H, but it is definitely on my agenda to do so.

Fran

if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs
Erica Jong