w 37, me 45, 3 children (8, 4.5, 3). married 10. i am the high-desire in the relationship, but not out of norms. once a week, even once every other week would be a wow for me. i don't need it per se, but it's nice to feel accepted intimately on that level and connect with the one i care for deeply.
i am very attracted to my wife: smart, creative, attractive, successful, etc. she's got a lot of stress (me 2 - both professionals). she probably has an issue with depression (but will not admit it), taking a number of meds for allergies. combination is nojoy, i know.
she feels we need to have a better relationship in order for her to feel sexually interested. me: i am lonely beyond words. little to no affection displayed, specially in front of our little ones. i tolerate probably above normal amounts of fault-finding. i'm engaged in house and children - we have a system of dividing responsibilities. i'm not a slacker. i rarely hear good job, thanks, etc.
most rare: i hear i'm sorry maybe once every other year.
i'm the 99% initiator when it comes to making love. i've dealt with increasing amounts of rejection over the years. she used to be an average sexual motivated woman, but with each child, it's become less and less.
last vacation taken in the beginning of summer, we did not do it at all. usually a vacation is good for at least one opportunity. the distractions of travel and novelty of surroundings and co-experience generates a lot of good will and some interest.
not this past time though.
i'm number 4 in her priority list, perhaps 5, because her job seems to be #1 in terms of her efforts of late, the kids 2, 3 and 4.
she tells me any talk of sex adds to her level of stress about the relationship. i think because we don't do it very often, she seeks ways to avoid it.
our MC suggested SSM book. i read it in 2 nights which is lightning fast for me. my wife has it now; she's a very well read person and fast reader - you've probably guessed, she's slogging through it like it's war and peace or something.
2 weeks ago we made love. wife enjoyed it (or said so). she probably did it out of guilt though as it had been about 3.5-4 months since the last time...
i tell her all the time how i love her, how sexy she looks. i give her light kisses and sometimes a love pat. i do not attack her.
i was doing pretty good about not pressuring her into making love based on the SSM book, just doing the things asked of me during the MC sessions which she feels would benefit the relationship.
this morning she said she was in the mood i think motivated by us setting up a vacation overseas around work. we start but can't find any lubricant, so that hunt turns me off and i suggest we go buy some and have a mommy and daddy meeting in the evening.
that falls on deaf ears, after hunting about and not finding any...she relocks the BR door, and masterbates herself with my penis and starts to lubricate, we get going, and the kids loose interest in what they were doing and start breaking down the door. that does it for me and i loose it and start raising my voice because i'm beyond frustrated. how convenient for her. this does in another rare opportunity... wife not interested (at all) this evening. more fault finding - this time with my reaction to the situation.
i am not only sex-starved, i feel attention starved. i feel there's no love or cherishing directed my way.
