OT--I promise not to make any educated guesses here as to your previous identity. I saw your comment to Ellie months back and must admit that your mystery has me a little intrigued. Something tells me that your reinvention has resulted in a change in writing style here. I remember all the folks who zinged me on my head when I needed the most... So at any rate, whoever you are, I'm glad you're back and dispensing valuable insight to those who are just starting out in Piecing. I'm also glad to hear about Newtimer and your maternal joys. There's nothing like a new daughter to bring you happiness. So please know that I'm so happy that you have been someone who has been able to reconcile to her liking. That's awesome.

Alimari--This is a very (and I mean extremely) humbling road. Everything I held true about myself was exposed to be a big old lie. I'm not the same person I was when I started this journey. And believe me, I'm very grateful. Without my XH, none of this would be possible.

Oh, Mama, since OT held your balls to the wall, I won't have to call you a liar again. I'll let her post resonate with you for awhile.

What I will say is that you did exactly as I warned you not to do... you held his actions accountable for how awful you felt. Think about how your word choices (and I DO mean choices) led him to go on the defensive and start feeling uncomfortable about opening up to you?

The fact that he told you that you sound like his mother might be a big warning bell to you. He's telling you that you're controlling him and are not on equal ground with him. You=big meanie mommy. Him=poor, victimized little boy. Until you can set him a stage that treats him as your partner, you're going to continue to put him on the defensive when talking to you.

Mama, if I had to encapsulate everything I read in your post (from his POV) it would be that everything continues to be about you and about how you feel. Frankly, I'd like to see you do more loving discussions than blind accusations that you retract a few moments later.

If you want lasting change, Mama, you're going to have to pony up and do the job first. I mean it. You can't go back to the old ways of doing things--he's already learned that he doesn't want that. That's why he's arguing with you more. So what are YOU going to do to change?

Back to OT, who seems to have all of this under control.

Betsey

"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein