Alimari, my bomb was dropped almost 4 years ago and my D has been final a year and a half. Despite the end of my M, I always felt it was more than worthwhile to work on repairing my R with my XH--not from a standpoint of us getting back together, but showing myself and my daughters that I could heal what had hurt because I love them that much.
That being said... it has only been in the past 6 months that my XH has shared any inkling of his soul searching. He's pretty much echoed what OT has said. Knowing that they were the cause of a train wreck of epic proportion that maimed plenty of people in the process is not an easy thing to face.
I suspect if I had inflicted that much hurt and harm on people I loved I'd want it to magically disappear too. On top of that, my XH has shared that his most insurmountable obstacle in healing from this experience is his inability to forgive himself for what he's done.
It's not enough that I've forgiven him. It's not enough that our parents, siblings and friends have forgiven him. It's not enough that his daughter is actively working on forgiving him. It's all about how he feels about himself. And that is something he's just gonna have to do all by himself. I can encourage it and help, but I can't do that work for him.
Hell, I had a hard enough time forgiving myself for becoming someone who had been so unloving. So I encourage self healing first.
Hugs,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey 