Hi Mama, Here you are! And what a great place to be! Piecing! And you initiating too. You are the confident, self-assured, loving, PATIENT MamaBear that can have her life turn out great because of her commitment, her vision, her personal strength. I am proud of you Mama. So, NO expectations. Focus on the positive, make note of what you see. Look for the good and praise it. Take it easy. That's all there is to do right now. Doesn't sound too bad, huh? I am rooting for you, as always.
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
Thanks PL!! I almost feel guilty being here. I wish you, Always and others were here with me too! All in good time I suppose. I really love hearing from you and am so glad you follow me. I have taken your advise as far as words go; I am more about action now. What can I DO, not what can I SAY; which seems to put me a few steps backwards. I know in time we will need to talk about what happened but right now I feel like my H doesn't want to go there, like as far as he is concerned he would like to move forward and forget the whole thing since talking about it makes him feel bad about himself. Ya know what I mean?
Anyhow, thanks for being there for me and for being such an inpiration too! This year has been something I wouldn't wish on anyone. I didn't even know I had so many ranges of emotions, nor did I know how much pain I could actually endure. I feel positive and confident about myself right now and that is where I would like to stay!
I feel positive and confident about myself right now and that is where I would like to stay!
Funny,,, that is how I feel too and I do not want to lose it either.... It is amazing how something like this can make you so much stronger than you ever were. Best wishes to you ... God bless...
Ok Mama, your move prompet me to move as well. We've been in this together from the get go so why not stay that way! I am so glad things are working out for you. You have stuck it out when many would have walked. Keep the faith, resist expectation and remember to smile every day at the joy you have found!
Ali, Thank you. I hope my newfound happiness stays with me...forever...
GH, Isn't it something how our sitch's seem to parallel eachother? Weird, huh? I'm glad you moved as you truely have been piecing for a while now, actually longer than I have. The A is over so why remind yourself of it everyday. We are now on a new journey and it looks like we will be on it together as well.
Count your blessings, even the small ones!! Oh, and the 2nd time for you should be just around the corner
Journaling: Well, today, Oct. 14th, is the 1 year anniv. since my world came crashing down around me. On 10/14/05 my H went out of town for the weekend "fishing with the guys". He was very distant and angry prior to that and had started going out on Saturdays (something he never did). I never really paid much attention to it.
Once he left I knew he wasn't with "the guys". Two days after he returned I searched his cell phone and saw a number I didn't recognize. Many incoming and outgoing calls but none while he was away. Thru an online search I found out who belonged to that number. I realized it was someone H worked with. I was so hurt and upset!! I woke him up in the middle of the night and confronted him. We stayed up hours in which time he confessed and told me that he no longer loved me...yada yada, you all know the drill.
By December he was staying out all night at least once a week. Always claiming to be too drunk to drive home. I once took the kids out of bed in the middle of the night and drove to where he said he was sleeping in his car only to find that he wasn't there - Duh!!
The next morning his suitcase was packed and by the front door. He returned with his tail between his legs and apologized and said it would never happen again. Needless to say, it continued.
The first three months I did everything wrong; I cried, I begged, I wrote letters and cards, even tried to overdose. Then I found this website and found that I wasn't alone. There were others going thru similar sitch's as me. I quickly read DR and have been DB'ing ever since.
While things are not completely healed they are much better. A week ago H sort of apologized for all that he put me thru this past year and professed his love for me and told me I was his best friend and soul mate.
Now this morning he calls from work (as he has been doing every day now for about a week) and is all happy and nice. Did he set me up? He should have been home 1 hour ago. Is he with her?
Should I confront him when he gets home? I planned on giving him a hug and a kiss and telling him that I loved him but now I'm not so sure anymore.
Hi MamaBear, Oh, you are wound a little tight this morning, dear friend! Take a deep breath. it is the anniversary of finding out about your betrayal. So you are bound to have some emotions with that, some unconscious memories resurfacing along with the calendar bringing it up. I am sure your H love you. I am sure that he wants to be M to you. He may be having difficulty ending the A. Or maybe he is just working a little longer than usual. Take a deep breath, and try not to make stuff up. It is Ok to tell H "I am feeling a bit insecure today. Can we do something together, just for us?" or something like that. meanwhile, try not to dwell on all the details of the past year. I know this is hard, but it won't help you, and it will just push H away right now. All that's coming up are your emotionally driven insecurities. Try to get calm and happy before H comes home. Put on some music. Dance with the kids. Find your bliss. Take a walk, to shake it off. Find your PMA Mama. You have come so far. I am rooting for you Mama. Hang in there.
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
Well now I know I may sound like I'm wound too tight today but H is now 4 hours late with no call. So...I guess I moved to piecing from the infidelity boards a bit too soon, huh?
When he called this morning I specifically asked if he was going out after work and he said "No, I'll be home around 1:00 and then we can work on the yard."
I guess the addiction to the OW is just too strong. Why lie to me? If he wasn't doing anything wrong like just having a few beers with the guys after work, why couldn't he just say so? Why couldn't he even lie to me and say that even if what he actually was doing was fcuking the OW? This way, no contact, makes me extremely suspicious especially since it is their anniversary and all. Uggghh
I'm tired of holding on to a one side relationship. Where I love him and he lies to me. What if I was told I only had one year to live? Would I want to live it like this past year? Absolutely not! I know I shouldn't have a R talk but I feel that I need to say may peace.
I am rooting for you, as always. 