What to expect

[cat03]

... start up where we wanted to be all along.

Yes, that's me, I want us to be in the torrid passionate stage he was when with Op...then I remember...I WAS there, on the "spring" of our R he was like that w/me. We've been married 8yrs, our love did mature.

In my hurt and wanting I want the same man who was crazy with Op, forgetting that when he was with her it was the "spring" of their R, the newness when you think that the op is perfect, beautiful and the best all around. I do want to be there, and it is just not realistic.

H told me yesterday on an text msg how I was smothering him every week w/one thing or another, that we have time and to relax a bit, that he knows I hurt but that I'm too intense some times. Do you want to be smothering? I don't.

I prayed really hard for God to change my H... I should've also prayed really hard to for God to change ME, so that my character would reflect something other than neediness and unfullfillment, there is still resentment and anger in me, there are lots of things I need to work on, so instead of focusing on H's lack of attention/attraction I should focus on how I project myself to him.

I'm regressing a bit myself and relieving Op's crap and the PA, I've come so far, I will-w/God's help- neutralize those thoughts all together, they try to drag me down, they don't have the full force as before and for that I'm glad.

Sorry for the hijack, but as you can see we all have that sense of despair from time to time, the key is not to stay there and wallow in our misery, we must get up and fight for our Ms.