you can lower them, it is my daily fight, HAVE to remember we have to learn to be friends OVER again. The expectations are there, gnawing at my leg each time I see him. But work w/what you have and not with the "ideal" you'd like to have, appreciate any/every little thing, we have to focus on -however scarce- their attempts to reconnect w/us.
My H has been back since April, he was pretty clamed up the first month. This past month, despite our agreement not to walk about he A or Ow I was able to ask him a few questions and he opened up a bit, he actually said "the more time passes,the more I see what kind of person she was, I'd give anything for all that (A) not to have happen).
Except for my hissy fit last saturday, he actually talked about the A, I did ask questions carefully, about he felt when he was away and if there was anthing good he felt that he wanted to see in us. He told me he wanted to forget the whole thing, that he couldnt' remember one good thing about the A.
I started very slowly, by holding his hand, by kissing him good night, after I while I went further. Now we do ML, now and then he'll do little aftectionate moves, not often though. He does reciprocate all the time though when I hold his hand or if I kiss him or initiate sex.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
