Thanks so much for your responses. I really don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff. My wife and I did some MC after my affair, and it helped us talk a bit about some of our issues. We didn’t go for that long because my wife had a very difficult time getting away from work (or it wasn’t important enough for her to make the time). Once I decided that I wasn’t going to leave the marriage, within a few weeks, she became to busy to go to counseling.
I know that all anti-depressants don’t affect libido, and most probably won’t kill it totally, but it would be such a relief to just be able to share the marital bed with my wife without this constant tension. Well, I have the tension and my wife seems to be able to sleep peaceably.
Frankly, I just don’t know what to do. I’ve tried the Marriage Builders stuff for a few years . . . stopping lovebusters, meeting needs, and all that. I’m sorry to say that, while it seemed to make my wife feel happy and appreciated, it didn’t help with the sexual desire part.
You know I could see if I let myself go, or if I was abusive or something, but I’m not. I workout, run a marathon a year, have the same waist size as I did in college, still have my hair and it isn’t grey yet. I have decent hygiene and dress nicely I think.
This is just so maddening. For the last few nights I’ve been avoiding her in the evenings and sleeping in the spare room. While this isn’t a solution to the problem it sure feels a lot better than sharing a bed with her.
She knows I’m not happy. This is making her unhappy. I’ve hurt her enough with the A and don’t wish to add to the damage. I just don't know how to make things better.
