Since you are well versed in this marital psych stuff (I am not - creating my sheepish position) I’ll just rattle along and you can sort it out.
If he admits to porn I don’t get the cleaning thing. It is a red flag to me. I presume you know how to check his cookie file and that is what is being cleaned along with the usual search histories etc. On the other hand, looking at myself there are some sites I would be embarrassed about as it applies to my W of long standing and the mother of my children. Honestly I’m here to understand some of my resistance to dialog with my W on this issue.
I have to say that my wife has only become “more so” over the years to the point that now she is “doing her duty” and I am feeling way low. I suppose this is not DB but I have come to realize, looking back, that I fooled myself in to thinking this would all work out. I will say that if we did not have children, (I will not abandon them having come from a broken home myself) I would be gone. Sex/intimacy for me is just way to important to live without and I have done this for nearly half my life. Hurts to say this as it seems so shallow. We did not have one harsh word for each other for the first four years we lived together. We have built a strong business together; have no drug, violence or health issues that many on this site have. Yet I look back over twenty one years, today being our 16th anniversary, and the certainty of wanting a real intimate sexual existence looms large- larger than anything except my children’s emotional health.
The harder you try, the luckier you are. Good luck. NW
