I am very interested in what you have to say. I am the HDW and am married to a man who is sexually timid while he has no problem with bawdy sexual humor and who openly admits to MB to porn (how often etc... I don't know). I have been "fended off" more times than I can count and he seems happiest to initiate on his timetable (once every two or three weeks) with me making no overtures or initiations in the meantime and definately no references to our R or our Sexual R during that time. He would describe us as "intimate" and "connected" while I would not. He married me later in life (mid-30's) with few close relationships, never a live in sitch and I have come to think that the MB/Porn had just become such a way of life and second nature to him that sex with a partner is just sort of a lot of trouble. So, it is sort of like an occasional treat. He only likes it one way - me on top (I guess that gets at the visual need). So, if I were to use what you were saying and apply it to my own sitch, you would say that he is in a type of approach/avoidance cycle that you have found broken only by extreme, aggressive sexuality that in a way "competes" with the porn? Or is it that you are just saying it broke through the resistance?
