I am new here but married 15 years LDW, pardon me if I miss DB principles. I will do my best to help you based on my uneducated reflections and will speak only from my male perspective in order to save some ink. To your question: Yes it can be much more satisfying MB’ing than having sex or making love to your W.
Why? First is the baggage. If your husband has lost intimacy with you through relationship baggage he will prefer MB or MB w porn. He does not have to deal with baggage when he is alone and he gets to blame you at the same time (win/win to ultimately loose)
Second is the stimulation. If he is good at MB a partner can be a distraction on focusing on the mighty O. When a man MB’s for sexual release he can focus entirely on himself and every movement he experiences is by definition heightening his satisfaction.
As an aside to the stimulation. If he uses porn to MB the problem is harder for you- you simply can not compete with the visual input available to him. If this is in your sitch view porn as a drug. Given what you have written then he would be an addict. That means he will do and say anything to get the porn MB fix.
Finally satisfaction. How often does he MB? How does that realistically equate to you willingness?
I have struggled with this I have the same experience and agree with Netbrsr.
You did no ask for advice but I will give you what I needed for your consideration noting porn was in our equation with a long history. I am/was (cycling) to the point where I would say "I don't need or want to make love to you". Meanwhile my resentment toward a wife who would not initiate (as defined by me not her) burned under the surface. If this is possibly your sitch then consider: talk is cheap. Talk does no overcome actions and does not eradicate baggage. Simply put what I needed (independent of the words I was using) was my wife to aggressively initiate sex. To get my point across I needed her to "rape me". From that sexual healing came the underpinning of rebuilding the intimacy portions of the relationship which was of course the broken part on both sides.
