I'm going to do a lot of guessing here, partly because I don't know a lot of details, and mostly because I am an amateur at this in every sense of the word.
If you are in a committed, long-term relationship, then you should give progress all the time it needs. I would say if you fear that sometime in the near future that if things don't get better then he will leave, then your first problem is long-term commitment. If you fear that if you push an issue that it will drive him away, then your intimacy has problems as well. I don't mean to sound harsh in saying that. But in an intimate, trusting R, spouses should not fear to make there needs heard by their partners.
Of course, all that is well and good to be known, but it doesn't do you a bit of practical good. The question is what should you DO about it. I'd say the first thing to do is decide yourself where your boundary is. What are the things you absolutely MUST have or need in order to stay in a relationship or feel your are part of one? Then make that boundary known to your H in a very loving way. Remember, boundaries are NOT threats. You are simply stating how you feel, and allowing the other person to react to it in whatever way they choose. Of course, violating a boundary will have consequences, but those consequences have more to do with your resulting actions rather than trying to force an action in your partner. Subtle difference, and hard to put into practice, but vital.
So, let's get down to details. If you feel that regular sex is a vital part of a marital reltaionship for you, you might want to say something like "honey, I feel that sex should be a necessary and integral part of our relationship for it to be healthy. It is something that I need, to feel like we are truly married." Edit it to sound the way you want (and others may chime in here if I am leading the wrong way as far as boundaries are concerned).
The next thing is to wait for his response. It may be immediate, or it may just be a deflection. If it is a deflection, give it a few days and try again. If it is still deflected, you may want to try to make the boundary harder and clearer to him. If his response is that he does not feel the same way as you, then you have a hard choice to make.
Please anyone, if I am saying things wrong here, correct me.
Best wishes, Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
