A question for all of you piecing..are you happy?

[25yearsmlc]

Hey MM-,

As my H is visiting this weekend I've done some reading about love languages and what's at the start of this thread. I am pissed at my H right now, despite lots of progress lately, b/c of something I don't even understnad myself--why it bothers me so much....he's as a conference down here and is staying for every second of it, including the smoozing events, while we live an hour away. Mind you, he LIVES in Alaska, and wants me and d9 to join him after d17 graduates....how important do you think I feel to this man?

Lately he has said things I need to hear, about missing us a lot, "needing" me there with him, etc. But I guess when it comes to his work, I just don't know if I can take feeling 2nd or 3rd anymore. In fact, I KNOW I cannot. I am an all or nothing type, though I have a career and interests I am not seen as needy. H is seen as a workaholic, and I guess I have to figure out whether he has changed at all....Words are easy.....but his actions were really hurtful....deceitful as well.....and I know what Ford means when he says it's a "tainted m". Not b/c I cannot let go of the past. B/c I feel like I keep finding the same behavior now, again and again, that feels like crap.

I must admit, I told him off a bit and I'm surprised I let it bother me so much and threw DBing out the window....dang, a backslide. Also, goes to show that we cannot act as if all is well if the underlying issues remain. Our resentments will surface--hello, mine just did....oh my, I have work to do and so does H. And I only have control over my work....sometimes this just sucks.

Gilda Radner faced another biopsy result and didn't know how her life was going to go, or end,etc. She said to some extent we all live with some ambiguity in life....and that learning to stop worrying about it, learning to embrace the ambiguity, the unknowns of our future, was the secret to living well..... easier said than done, but a goal.
j-