I think this thread shows how important it is to make yourself happy.
I've been back with my wife for over a year, and yes I'm happy, but it isnt because I'm with my wife.
I've learned so much over this past year.
the first thing I've learned is to never sell your soul. I think I did this because I was sooo sure that if I got my wife back, all my problems would go away and we'd be happy for ever, amen. the fact is, I ended up resenting her and myself for not being able to look at what had happened as reality, I saw it as a bad dream, something I could act like it never happened. it did happen. ugly as it is, it happened.
Now let me say my wife has done EVERYTHING she can to make up for it and I can say now I don't hold a grudge. we get alonng great now. But I just don't see her as "Wife" material now. I'll be her friend forever, but i'm taking steps now to break away on my own. I know now that I will be just fine.
The memorys of all the lies and the affair are something I just can't get past. they hurt the kids went through, i can never forget that, I can forgive, but not forget.
after some time back together with me gaining strength and getting my mojo back, I realized I didnt want to settle. to me, a wife is someone who has your back, someone you never have to have your gaurd up with, and after all thats happened, I know I can never drop my gaurd with her.
I realized she deserves a shot at an untainted marriage as much as I do, and our marriage is tainted
I don't want to live with the fact my wife lied, cheated and was generallya horrible person for a time, breaking the hearts of me and our childeren, once that happens there is no going back for me. I tried, but the feeling I was settling was too big to overcome.
she still wants to work it out, and I don't want to lead her on, i've been brutally honest how I feel. she is totally sorry and wished it never happened, i believe her.
