I truly admire those of you going through a reconciliation. And I so appreciate you sharing your experiences. I have often tried to put myself in your shoes and wondered if I could do it--after all the lies and the terrible betrayals I wonder if I could put my own pain aside long enough to learn the lessons I need to learn and also let my H ease back into a good R with me. You are all very brave and big hearted people to forgive and try to move on.
I am still pondering this question:
What has to change in us, and in our WAS's in order for us to live happily once again with them? What is the winning combination necessary to lead to a better marriage? For my part, because of who I am, there would have to be transparency, openness and honest communication. There would also have to be clear intention on the part of my H to win me back and help me to trust him again. There would also have to be a lot of verbal reassurances. This is just me of course, perhaps my needs vary greatly from others, but I could not imagine a reconciliation without these things. I understand that while I can no longer expect anyone else to make me happy, I also cannot be expected to stay quiet when things trouble me.
We can change many things about ourselves. We can change habits and the way we respond to people. We can change our physical appearance and our careers. People all around us can tell us how awesome we are and we can feel awesome and proud of ourselves, but if our spouse does not see it or appreciate it, can we be happy?
Can we change the way in which we need to feel loved by another? If your returning H or W is not showing the love you want, need and deserve can you alter your expectations and be happy with that? I realize we make our own happiness, but we don’t live in a vacuum and in a marriage we are profoundly affected by the behavior of our spouse. Or perhaps the affection or love language they do express is all the more sweet because you have come so close to losing it and can appreciate the little things more?
I want to believe it is all possible. I want to believe that if my H were to come home, we could work toward something more wonderful. There are many things I have faith in—especially the power of my love and the beauty of my family and I want to believe that these strengths could carry me through any difficulty. Sadly, for me there will not be that longed for reconciliation, but I still hope and pray that for those of you here, there will be great love renewed in your marriage.
