A question for all of you piecing..are you happy?

[StrongEnough]

Hi Althea!!

I'm sorry to read about how your sitch has turned out. I haven't posted here in a LONG time....but I have kept up with most people's goings ons. (Yeah, nosey me!! Haha)

I will gladly answer your questions:

1) When we decided to reconcile...we spent about three weeks discussing our wants/needs to be sure the other one clearly understood. For a little bit....things were great.

2) My H did make an effort to change. I will have to say that he likes to put time limits on everything. In other words..he will say "We will make sure we go to bed together every night"...then not do it...when I mention something I get "That was 2 years ago, so you wouldn't worry I was doing something wrong". So, he will revert back to his old self if drastic improvements aren't made in the time frame he had in mind. I can't say I trust him comletely yet.
3) Do I feel comfortable talking to him? Not really. It seems that I can't have a problem or concern without paying dearly for it. Before then, it was just a lot of things that were hard for ME to come to terms with in my own mind, never mind saying them out loud.
4) COunseling- We initially tried individual. Turned out to be disastrous.

For me, I found that even now, it is hard to break out of my self containment unit. (That's what I call it) I am still pretty much 100% self-reliant. After two years, it is still very hard to switch gears. I think a lot of it has to do with not feeling safe yet confiding all in my H and leaning on him for my emotional needs. In my mind (twisted and crazy as it is) I only feel safe when I keep things inside and to myself. For self preservation..a great thing......for a healthy marriage.....a terrible thing!

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I can try to go back to basics, which I think is my only option. However, since I am already so self-reliant and independant....if I happen to become more so because of re-connecting with my DB self it could be the end all of my marriage.

By now I'm sure you guessed my H likes to be in total control. He despises DB because he feels it is manipulative. I know it's more that it takes control away from him.

Keep your chin up Althea....you sound great considering what you have been through. Let me know about your night club.....I will be there with bells on for the grand opening!!!

SE