A question for all of you piecing..are you happy?

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Its not all it is cracked up to be. My H left for 3 months and this week is the 1 yr anniversary of his rtn. Sunday is our 18th wedding anniversary. I figure I will spend it alone, not getting any i love yous and not looking into each other's eyes. My H has never re-committed to the relationship fully, refused to see any counselors, mtgs, etc. He seems to only be here for the kids. I told him if he leaves I will not take him back #2, so he strongly considers that. He also has nowhere to go as he didn't get along with his father the first time and we have no $ unless we sell for him to get an apt. So I feel like I am in lingo, I never stopped loving me but says he doesn't feel the same towards me anymore. I still say ILU but don't get a rtn. And he cannot forgive or forget anything ever. I have tried everything I could, but tell him that I have kept up my end of the bargain he has to make up his mind. I don't know how long my mental state can put up with this situation as it stands now. Everyone, friends, family, therapists say if this fails it is totally not my fault, I did everything I could. Not that that makes me feel better. Know how hard it is to love someone who doesn't love you back? And lately it seems like he doesn't even respect me anymore. And short of this forum I don't really have anyone to talk to about it which hurts as well. My parents died 15 yrs ago. I feel pretty much alone at times.