Quote: i was never the kind of person to have an A and it kills me that i am now
and i was unhappy with my M when i started the A....i only wish i would have put the energy it took to carry on with the A into my M....i would most likely be happy and not depressed.....live and learn
You don't know just how much I understand your words.
But I will tell you this:
There is redemption.
Don't misunderstand what you are about to read.
Sometimes, in order for us to grow...when the so-called obvious life-lessons have been lost on us, God will ALLOW (NOT cause but ALLOW) us to walk off on our own and misbehave terribly and with much repercussion. Ask yourself, had you not went that route, what things might you STILL not know and/or understand and appreciate?
When you CHOOSE to do the RIGHT thing, even though it is not necessarily what you WANT to do...but you CHOOSE to do it ANYWAY for a "greater" good, you WILL be blessed.
The way to miss out on that blessing though, is to succumb to the flesh YET AGAIN, by allowing it to depress you, steal your hope, your joy and your faith. In yourself AND in God.
There is redemption.
Sure it is harder to come by in the "world" than by the Spirit but it exists for YOU and the first step to finding it is UNDERSTANDING who you were, and how lost you'd become, when you walked off down that wide, destructive path...and then forgive yourself (I KNOW how hard that is. It is a separate, brutal fight), knowing that you can be forgiven and all you need to do is ask. The road to forgiving yourself starts with that.
I won't lie to you, it won't be easy. It's hard to face yourself in the mirror, I KNOW. And while it won't become something you'll suddenly be proud about, you WILL one day look back and see that GREAT lessons you have learned not just BECAUSE of your mistakes but often, IN SPITE of them.
