I need advice...I'm lost :(

[Sandy_wants_to_try]

CF,
We sometimes use "tough love" here. Most of us, on the other side, sometimes have trouble getting out of the dump or seeing things clearly. Then, a few of our friends come around and give us a little "tough love" and usually lots of hugs later.

You're a little new for tough love and I'm sorry if this offends, but...

Have you read JM's sitch? If not read it.

So you feel guilty. It sucks, it hurts, you're confused, you miss her. Are you really going to hurt everyone around you just for your need to get this off your chest? Will it really make you feel better? Will it make all your problems magically disappear?

I agree with everyone above that honesty is the best policy, but I also agree that there is a time for everything. And that while all you can think about is how miserable you are, the time is not now. The intent is wrong.

From your posts your guilt and misery are the first thing on your mind. You were dumped. It hurts. We completely understand that - we've been there. However, what most of us realize is that we have to analyze our mistakes and our failures and look inside ourselves for why things happened... that there are no definatives and that people can learn to love and can choose to love.

The question "Do you love your wife" is important. By answering... "well I must not have.. because look what I did" isn't really thinking about it, to me.

I really suggest therapy because I think you need someone completely unbiased to help you answer these questions.

If counseling didn't help as a couple, try it by yourself... Your emotions are foremost on your mind right now, so work on yourself first. You are right about that... you wont be able to work on your M while you haven't done that.