I need advice...I'm lost :(

[cat03]

So the A lasted 4 yrs or was it a typo? if it isnt', I'm not sure my advice would really apply but here it goes.

My H also felt the very same way, except he just walked away w/out warning, had a 6mth A and the Ow broke it off.

I've forgiven him, of course I blew up and went ballistic, I had to calm down, needed tons of reasurance that it was over and that he only wanted me. With time I was able to cope, though could've use more of his support. I discover the A after it was over, so he had a time to deal w/it and didnt want to talk about it.

I've forgiven him, I had to decide to fully forgive him with no strings attached and accepting I could never use the A as leverage for anything in the future.

My H was almost relieved when I found out (NOT happy, relieved) 'cause it waasn't hanging on him anymore, so I understand what you are saying. Why would you ruin OP's life by coming out clean to your w? You dont' really miss her, you just miss "someone" to talk to, taht's what affairs are, an escape from misery. The A isn't the end, please read this:
Beyond betrayal..live after infidelity

either I tell her about the A, or I get D

Which do you think will destroy her more? I'll you, the D. I know you are scared, but if you decide to take the high road you will come clean to her, it will hurt her, yes, but in teh long run it is the best desicion.
Some WAS here didnt' have the courage to rebuild their marriages and fix the damage done, your W also has a part on this, the A isn't her fault but i'm sure other things were a factor to the strain of your M.

We all mess up, there is always a chance to fix things. My H never believed on drs yet his depression was crippling, his anxiete left him unable to sleep, he was numb and miserable, please consider talking to a psychologist or just your dr for some depression meds.

YOu will be a better man for coming out w/the truth, go to MC with your wife and maybe there you can confess to the A. I pray you do)))))))))))) if my H would've come clean I would've handled it better and not felt as miserable as I did, I had to dig and snoop to find the whole truth which turned ugly each time.