I almost spilled my guts last night, but I thought I should think about it some more.
I'm a believer that in order to repair the M, all will need to be told. But not necessarily right now. You sound very, very distraught and you need time to think things through. Your W is <probably> going to have lots of questions for you and you need to make sure you have good answers.
I've been where you are in some ways. I did not have a full blown A, but despite that, over two years later my M is still suffering greatly. This is going to be a long road. You need to start getting strong.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
