First...I'm new here and don't quite understand the lingo so forgive me if mess up.

OK....here's the dirt. I've been married 10 years and have a 6yr old daughter who means the world to me. I'm 34 W is 33. I began an A on Feb. 1, 2002 and it ended (for good) on Aug. 15, 2006. The OW is someone I worked with. I don't see her on a regular basis, but I know I'll run into her at some point since we are both professionals in the same field and only 25 miles apart. She was M when we started and is now D. She says it wasn't the A...that it was already over when we started. I don't know if I believe it, but I can't think about that right now. In Dec. of 2005, I told her I had to work things out at home and I felt I did. But the A continued (less intense) until Aug.

Now all contact has been stopped because she wanted it that way. She realized that she couldn't let me hurt my daughter because of her and that she couldn't take being hated by freinds and family if the A was discovered. (and everyone would know if we endeed up together) Problem #1 is that I had decided that I didn't want it to end...I wanted to leave. Now I'm in a total state of longing for her....I miss her so bad...I have NO ONE to talk to about this.

Problem #2 is that I have now told my W that I am unhappy (which I am), and severly depressed (big time) and I want out. However, I really don't know what I want. I know the A is over and the OW has probably already moved on so that's not really and option in my mind (running to her). But I can't begin to go on with my W with this secret hanging over me. Me wanting out is killing her (she doesn't understand), and that kills me. I wonder if she would still love me if I told her about the A? Would I want to work it out? Sometimes I think that if I could lose the baggage I'm carrying and let her know the real me and she would still want to be with me then I could be happy. I just don't know.

We've been to C twice, but I can't put forth an effort with this hanging over me. I'm a very strong willed person and things don't usually get to me, but this has just about put me over the edge. I'm dying inside and I feel so hopeless that I don't know where to turn or what to do. I almost spilled my guts last night, but I thought I should think about it some more.

I do know this for sure right now...either I tell her about the A, or I get D. I can't go on with her living a lie for the rest of my life. And if I tell, I will ruin the live of the OW and her 5 yr old son...wow, what a mess.

Any advice would be greatly apreciated....I'm on the edge looking down