...but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
piecing after separation
What I've been looking at is this. Positive results to current 180s. Have they really worked? Am I happy with where I have ended? Have these changes addressed issues that were causing problems before? Is it succes I'm seeing or just more appathy in the R? My goal is a stronger M not a recovered train wreck.
I think thing are headed in the right direction. I like some of my changes. A main challenge is riding out W's MLC. Am I up to the challenge?
Replace old GAL with newer GAL. Keep busy and focus on own issues.
are you giving yourself enough time for the changes to occur? are you overlooking the progress you've achieved so far?
...but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
piecing after separation
Yes I have been giving it some time, but I find myself looking at it from many angles as I move away, to make sure I'm getting a true read on what I'm looking at. So far I think I've done pretty good, I just have to let go of some of the hurt and resentment. Remembering actions and words are two different things, is critical. I think W is learning that if you really look at what you plan on doing before you do it, it might not really be whay you want. I think it is also very evident that our decisions affect more people then we think, either for good or for bad. W has had to realize this and rethink her plan.
Been really busy with life and family. Enjoyed last night with the kids and friends. Really having to struggle with as if. To often I just want to say, "you need help, get help". But I'm sensible enough to let it ride.
Been enjoying the holidays and events. Liked what Michelle said in her newsletter the other day. My latest approach has been, live life the best you know how, because there might not be a tomorrow for this M or family. No regrets. It kind of dawned on me the other day that a lot of W's issues has to do with stress/control/perfectionism. The fact that I'm not as much so, or that I don't let it get me down, bothers her. As much as she wants to seem easy going, she is the first to get her shorts in a bunch.
Oh well, I'm letting her own her own problems/issues. I'll just work on my own stuff.
Hi Phoenix! I think you're on the right track, letting your W own her own problems and issues. It's funny how, many people think that perfectionism, or being a perfectionist, is thought to be a positive trait. However, I find that people (and my H has this trait, but is not as bad as he used to be) who admit to being a perfectionist, just want things done their way, implying, of course, that their way is the right and only way. Kinda selfish and self-serving and controlling, isn't it? My H also used to like to be thought of as easygoing, but he was controlling in a passive-aggressive way, and always boasted of being a perfectionist. I wonder if this is a trait of all or majority of WAS's.
You sound like you're in a peaceful zone, within yourself, and detached from your W's craziness. Keep it up, my friend.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I think you hit that one right on the head. Am I at peace, yeah, I think so. I know I am doing all that I can and should do. The rest is up to execution and higher powers. Some decent interactions today with W. However the weekend looks like it could be a rough go. I'll just not let it get me down.
I find myself well detached and busy these days. Interaction w/W has been good. What could have been a very negative event, ended on a positive note. Not sure what it is that I have been doing right but..., don't want to get my hopes up either.
